kristin has been a bad kristin
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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