Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
