I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
