ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
