You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
