? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
