the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
