your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
