How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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