RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
