I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
