she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
