i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
