Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
