that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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