so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
