I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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