I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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