I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
