Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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