i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
