I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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