Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
