Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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