I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
