i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i've created a new STD.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
