We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
