I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
