she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
