Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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