Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
someone owes me an orgasm
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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