so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
