i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
