I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The air was thick with penises
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
