chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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