great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
