So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My vagina is officially offended.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
