It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
