You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
