In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
