remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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