Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
