She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
