Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
God, I missed his penis.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
