i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
