I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
