why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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