I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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