You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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