covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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