omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
