the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
