The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
