using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
