sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
