U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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