I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
