I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
