a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We named our party play list daddy issues
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
