I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.