No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My ass is underappreciated
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind