Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
