yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance