I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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