i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
