Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
