how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
