At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
