Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
