Don't you send me to vm
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
